Thursday, November 15, 2012

All about me...well, kinda

When I first met my son's girlfriend she told him he had a cool mom because I acted like myself around her. Now, I'm not into acting 16. I, ahem, can't run to save my life, will protect my kids from as much evil in the world as I can--including zombies--and love to dance, sometimes with my 16 yr old, usually with my 4 yr old. Not that I'm any good.

And I'm still learning what it means to be me.

I've been walking on eggshells my whole life.

I write and rewrite comments on blogs and end up deleting longer thoughts, opting for short, quick answers minimizing the risk of sounding...like a dork.

I cringe at writing reviews for fear that I may offend someone unintentionally.

I second guess my second guessess--It's exhausting.

I've created a barrier between me and the rest of the world, or, rather, the rest of the world and me.

But I'm learning to be me.

I'm learning to stop needing affirmation--to leave humility behind for just a tad.

I learned that publishing will not give me "credibility" as I so hoped it would. That comes from believing in myself...not an easy task.

I learned that everyone is entitled to an opinion--even me. And It's okay to express that opinion.

I learned that although I am comfortable in my own skin, in my own mind, it's useless if I don't share of myself with the world.

Anything you've learned about yourself this year?

9 comments:

  1. You are one amazing writer, Elizabeth. Your honest insights are thoughts I too share. What I've learned about myself is that I can keep going without the constant support of others. (Even thought it's always nice to have a pat on the back.)Thanks again for a great post!

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  2. Says a lot about you that your son's girlfriend likes you! :) I do the same as you, afraid I'm going to offend someone with my opinions. We shouldn't be afraid, though. You're a wonderfully creative and good person. Express yourself!

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  3. Victoria, thank you.

    Christine, I tend to do well with kids. lol. Adults are a different story. =) I decided that I will express myself more. The world doesn't revolve around me and I have to stop thinking it does. =) Thanks!

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  4. Wow. It's almost exact for me. Lots of telling myself 'it's okay.' I'm very hard on myself, but am learning in order to free myself from this mindset, I need to let go and stop worrying so much.

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  5. I have struggled with the comment section. Am I honest, am I being flippant, am I giving praise where deserved, etc. Always second guessing myself. I understand.

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  6. I know the deal with doing better with kids...I sometimes wonder if it's okay that I fit in with teenagers so much easier than I fit in with people my own age. haha.

    It's good that your so self-aware, that makes it much easier to work on not second-guessing yourself so much.:)

    And, can I just say that I LOVE the cover to your book. Beautiful!!

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  7. Donna, I know what you mean. I have to stop worrying so much too.

    Susan, thanks. It helps to know I'm not alone. =)

    Tamara, the being aware part is easy for me, the doing is another matter. I'm glad you like the cover. Thanks!

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  8. I must say this sounds a lot like me. I definitely keep myself in a box. A box with impenetrable iron clad walls. It a safe guard to keep from being hurt. I've had to learn to open a door occasionally into my box…and I learned this while editing my book. Apparently I put my characters in this box with me and they were a little hard to relate to. I found that if I didn’t open up with my own emotions, my character couldn’t either. Strange but true. Once I let my guard down, I could write more freely and expressively. This was particularly true with my main character Sarah. We seem to have the same character…um…defects. :) It has been an interesting experience, and for a while I beat myself up, concluding that it was a lack of talent. I was a little hard on myself, but when I really put some thought into it, I realized it had much more to do with being too careful, rather than being unable.
    Glad you've learned such important lessons. Glad you have the approval of your son's girlfriend. That's important, especially since we don't want to lose our boys to women who don't like us. Ugh, I dread my son's first girlfriend. I can wait forever for that day.

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  9. Dana, I get it now. Its just that extra baggage we carry from way back when, and we just don't need it anymore. A true growth experience. Never too late. =)

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