Saturday, May 5, 2012

Dust if off bloghop snippet

Hiya!  I usually don't post on Saturdays but this is special for the...

Check out more info here
Go here to read the pitch of this excerpt.

The second day, May 5th: Post your favorite excerpt (300-350 words)
So here it is...

Lead in:  Anne (the MC) is sent to the coast to meet the new king (antagonist) in secret by her father. Traveling, her convoy is attacked. This is the end of the first act. Anne had decided that she was going to escape from meeting with this king. This is the first time we see her consumed by hate.

Anne scanned for Davin until she saw him on the ground slumped against a tree. Unmoving.
            “No!” she cried and charged towards a masked figure standing beside Davin, his bloody blade clutched in his hand. The man turned just in time to shield himself from her vicious attack.  She slashed at the figure, weaving deadly patterns in the air, blinded by her wrath. Nothing would alleviate the pain she felt but the death of this one enemy.
It was all her fault.  She had tricked Davin into coming with her. Davin was young, still learning how to defend himself, how to wield a sword, how to kill. He had trusted her, accepting this journey because she had convinced him to take the more experienced Eggy’s place.  Eggy lay ill because she had slipped a laxative in his drink so she could escape.
 Anne hissed between clenched teeth. Overcome by the madness around her, she attacked the bandit with no regard, weakening his defenses and forcing him to retreat.  In a desperate attempt, he charged. Seeing her opportunity, she dropped low and lunged forward, her dagger leading.  She drove it deep into his chest until it caught on bone and she twisted it with all her fury, hearing the flesh and muscle tear until the man crumpled at her feet.
Excruciating pain exploded through her left shoulder and down her arm. She half turned before she fell beside the man she killed, an arrow protruding from her shoulder.  She tried to move, but couldn’t.
The bandits moved towards the crumpled figure next to her and unmasked him.
            In front of her, the product of her rage and hatred, befallen by her hand, laid a boy. His eyes were wide and blue staring at her, blaming her; a boy of no more than fifteen. Her vision fell away in a dark haze and she shut her eyes. She wanted to cry out to the bandits, to curse them in this world and the next, to send them to oblivion, but instead she cried silently until she fell into darkness. 

Remember, this has been shelved. =) Come back Monday for the specifics. 
Thanks for reading!  


  1. Wow. I saw the dagger twisting in the flesh and muscle. Good thing I haven't had breakfast! :)

    Great visuals.

  2. Great fight scene, description well-phrased! I like that she had some regret about killing the boy. Good lead-in to the next chapter (or scene). :)

  3. Oooo... sounds like an adventure! Love the action!

  4. Holy bananas, this was excellent writing and very intense! Nicely done!

  5. Ohhh this right up my alley! I lived the knife part.

  6. Excellent excerpt. Great emotion and intensity. Well done.

  7. This was really good! Why are all of us shelving such great stories?

    I love that she goes through all the emotions, hate and regret. So many times stories skip over the regret part.

  8. Holy intense Batman! In this short snippet I could feel her emotions the regret and the hatred. I want to know more.

  9. Wow that was some emotion in that excerpt. Great!

  10. Great action! and emotion! This was fun to read :)


  11. I'm a jealous of your descriptive ability. That's something I still need to work on in my own writing. I love how you end with her realization that the "enemy" she killed is just a boy. So powerful.


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