Alex Cavanaugh has organized the Insecure Writer's Support Group. "Purpose: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!" Check out other posts here.
I wait for a response from a query. I feel good. I sent it. That act alone is a success. If it ends up being a passed opportunity (rejection) I can shrug it off to my query letter and that thing is darn hard to write. I mean, how am I supposed to sum up 240,000 words of greatness in 250? I’m exaggerating the word count here, but I hope you get the point. This is what goes through my mind.
But…then comes the requests.
First the partials—from first chapter thru first 50 pages. Okay…I send that out and then again a passed opportunity. Well, okay, I have to concentrate on my first act. Surely once the agent gets through that juncture she will keep reading. How many ways are there to start a story? A gazillion. This definitely gives me something to work with, right?
But then comes the request for a full. Rather than feeling thrilled that another stepping stone has presented itself, the tension rises. The agent sees something…what? I have no idea, but something that garnered interest. I don’t totally suck, right? But then it results in another passed opportunity and this one has triple the heartache ‘cause now it’s on the whole darn thing, words that took me a million and one hours to perfect.
But wait…another agent wants to see the whole thing and on and on it goes.
It’s easy to get distracted from the reason I started writing in the first place. It wasn’t to obtain an agent, it wasn’t to measure my sense of self worth, it wasn’t even to reach out to the world and show them how great I am. I started writing because I needed to put my thoughts on paper. I needed to be free of them like a bad debt. I needed someplace to feel safe. And guess what…I still feel the same. Regardless of passed opportunities, I will continue to write because it is who I am.