Wednesday, August 31, 2011

A contest!

Kate Larkindale is having a Beginning, Middle, and End Contest.  Check it out here. 

Here's mine below. This is a YA supernatural horror.  Check out the other contestants on her blog.

BeginningThe floorboards creaked under the Intruder as he walked up the aisle of the small church. Moving shadows crept along the walls, brought to life by the flickering candles that rimmed the nave. Old frescos and mosaics hung between frost windows, looming carved pieces depicting the last moments of the prophet vital to this particular religions history, hung lower along the walls. The deity's name didn't matter, known as many different names in the world. What mattered was that people believed.

Belief was power.

Middle: She didn't move. Her eyes cut through him, holding him numb. Tear stains lined her face, tearing a clean path on her cheeks. With trembling hands, she handed him a piece of paper. “She is the second sign,” the girl whispered. Jake looked down at the crumpled piece of paper just as the girl leapt over the cliff.

End: People would soon forget. They would rebuild, die, and leave only legacies behind. The immortals, well, that was a whole different story.

Thanks for taking a peek.


  1. Very intriguing!! If you had an Amazon link for it, I'd click it to find out more :).

  2. Cool one!!!

    Looking forward for more!! Thanks for the links!!

    with warm regards
    Another Author

  3. definitely an interesting glimpse! and thanks for the link to the contest :)

  4. Nicely done, sounds spooky...a story right up my alley. :)

  5. Oh, very nice. i especially liked your description of the church.

  6. What a cool contest and what a great story you have there!

  7. You do a great job with the opening. Right from the first line I know what kind of book this is going to be.

    In the middle section, you may just want to change a word or two. A tear tearing a path down a cheek sounds odd. Maybe use a different word for 'tearing'.

    Thanks for taking part in the blogfest!

  8. This certainly has my interest peeked. I really like that last line, that is what intrigues me the most.

    Found you through the hop :)

  9. This is great, I love the middle part, it really has my interest peaked.

  10. Very nice! Intriguing--the middle is awesome.

  11. Well written, and suspenseful. Good job!

  12. Great job - you've definitely grabbed my attention!

  13. I like all the imagery and description in the beginning, although the third sentence in that paragraph is somehow a little awkward to me.

    The events in the middle are so interesting! Dramatic. I likey.

  14. Thanks Annalise. It's nice to have extra eyes...and another brain won't hurt either. =)

  15. The opening is intriguing, and I'm tempted to say that the cutoff of the middle section is a terrible cliffhanger, I feel that's a little too punny to be allowed. :-p I'm really curious to know what happened/what's going on in that scene, though!

    Oh, and one tiny change I would suggest is breaking up the last sentence. If you're going for a more conversational tone, perhaps something like:

    "The immortals? Well, that was a different story."

    If you're wanting something more formal, perhaps:

    "The immortals were another story."

    Overall, well done! :-)

  16. (Gah, sorry, that should be "...and *although* I'm tempted..." )

  17. Thanks fuzzymango. Great suggestions.


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