Sometimes we have to hit that proverbial brick wall in order to bounce back. Can we bounce back after smashing head first into a brick wall? Not likely.
Let’s replace that visual perception with…let’s say, a springboard. We can certainly bounce back from a springboard.
What is a springboard? Flexible diving board; a flexible board on which gymnast bounce in order to gain height for vaulting; and an event, activity, or plan that provides an opportunity for something or helps to promote future success (Encarta Dictionary).
We definitely have to hit that springboard! And it is a good thing because it gives us strength, challenges, and eventually it helps us learn and grow. Okay, enough with the rolling eyes. Remember perception.
Some suggestions I found to be helpful for me are:
Do not live in the past. People you don’t even know have influenced you in ways you cannot imagine. As children we learn from our perception of the outside world because, well, we don’t know any better. But what does that mean? You remember that grouchy old lady that kept trying to throw that sandal at you in an effort to save her tomato garden, the one that constantly hollered at you saying you wouldn’t amount to anything. Well, her perception of life stems from her own experiences and so if you take what she tells you to heart, you, in fact, are being influenced by whomever influenced her, whom you never met, and so the cycle continues. And so does your dislike of tomatoes.
Learn to pay attention to your body and learn to name what you feel. There is power in a name. Just ask He-who-must-not-be-named, i.e Voldemort. By naming what ever “it” is gives it substance, makes it real. It becomes something that can actually be worked on. It also puts things in perspective. For example, I will bring up the dreaded R word that we writers cringe from. Rejection. I will use the word here, though I tend to see it as passed opportunities. When I get over the initial shock and disappointment of those passed opportunities and those darn “I’m not good enough” thoughts come seeping in, I ask myself to name exactly how I feel. Give it credence, give it its due and then ask yourself what has changed as a result. In most cases it will be nothing. My heart is still beating, my lungs are still working, my hands are still moving, my eyes are still seeing. I am exactly in the same place. Nothing has changed as a result. I will continue to write because it is what I love to do. Period.
Recommended read: Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth.
Annihilate the concept of Instant Gratification. It is the impediment of all evil. I say this as I munch on sweet bread shaped like a cow. I will not say more.
I’d rather love and lost then never to have loved at all. I read that somewhere when I was in high school a very long time ago, and it followed me through adulthood. You cannot regret when the decisions you made were for love. Martha Beck wrote an article in the O’ Oprah Magazine, July 2008, Who’s Sorry Now? Six steps to regret proof your life. She wrote that when faced with a decision, move towards love, not away from fear. Words to live by.
And finally—since we are not perfect. Nope. Especially not me. We all have issues. That one thing above all others, which irks us to the point where we expend more energy trying to get rid of than on things we should be doing. We believe that with that one thing fixed, or gone, our lives will be so much better. This thing seems to have no end. No hope. It may be finances; it may be a book deal. There is something that gives rise to our irk-ness.
There is a way to combat this per Ms. Martha Beck. Three simple steps. Hey, I’m up for simplicity.
1. Imagine the issue gone. Visualize it completely eradicated.
2. Then concentrate on something else that needs fixing or attention and fix it.
3. Then after you fix it, you can go back to worrying about that one thing. Eventually, it will stop being the focus it used to be.
Hmm…sounds like a no-brainer. Makes sense too.
And there you have it…complete change in a month. Not really. This is a working document to be regurgitated regularly.