I just realized that I entered the new year without revisiting my accomplishments and with no goals for the new year. That really sucks. I haven't been really motivated to do anything. It's been a struggle just to get up in the morning. Being happy is hard work!
But alas! I have to fight the downward spiral of life. I read recently that some folks just can't seem to see great accomplishments right in front of them. I think it was Elizabeth Gilbert--who mentioned that. Yeah, that's me! And Danielle LaPorte--another inspiring motivational speaker--who said that in order to get unstuck one must stop analyzing the why of it. "Too much analysis can create paralysis," she says. And I think she's right. I've been worrying so much that I can't see past the gloom.
I've been trying to analyze my future by trying to make sense of my past. Damn you Dr. Phil!
But no more. I'm done with trying to figure out why. I'm done with self-analyzing every decision I've made up to this point. I can't change the past. And I probably wouldn't anyway. It's made me who I am and I'm pretty darn okay...me thinks.
In 2014 I self-published Darkness, a YA thriller. I also published an adult romance with a small press under a pen-name.
My goals for 2015 is to continue the submission process for my YA Sci-fi and to finally self-publish the third instalment of my Second Sign series--the story of Max--which has been brewing in my mind. The story needs to be told. I am also working on the sequel to Darkness, which I hope to self-publish in August.
Aliens live among us. Their purpose: to protect and nurture their greatest mistake—mankind.
Caeden Frey doesn’t believe humans will evolve to see the magic, much less control it. Even so, he has two months to marry a human or face the wrath of the High Council. Bitter about a responsibility he thinks prevents him marrying for love, he figures any human girl will do. He’s ready to propose when his soul mate stumbles into—and right out of—his arms.
Human, Ryanne Killian might be Caedan’s one shot at happiness while still fulfilling his duty. Unfortunately, she guards a dark secret. She’s determined to push Caedan away to protect him from her past.
Caedan must convince her she’s worthy of his love before a rival family puts an end to his wedding plans. If she can see her own worth, she just might save herself and his people.
Told in both MC's POV—Caeden and Ryanne--the story opens up with two weddings. One being Caeden's sister's wedding and the other is Ryanne's best friend's wedding.
In the beginning we meet Caeden who we learn has to marry a human to satisfy the "Reparation." Caeden is alien with fairy-like powers: he can manipulate feelings via aura magic and make things grow. Then there's Ryanne who is the "best man" at her best friend's wedding. She also crushes on him. He's getting married because he knocked up his girlfriend. Right away I know something happened between Ryanne and Kevin's friends. They make unwelcomed advances toward her and she's terrified of them, argues with Kevin about them, telling him that she had said 'No'…hint, hint. She didn't tell anyone what happened to protect Kevin who laughs it off as a drunken mishap.
Whatever happened to Ryanne forces her to distrust men, rightfully so. But then she meets Caeden.
She's actually drawn to him as he is to her. There's magic between them and Caeden realizes she is his soul mate. And she may be able to control magic, which is not the norm for humans. If only he could get her to marry him in a week.
As the story unfolds, we see him try to convince her of just that. He takes her to his world and shows her magic, he throws his wealth at her—didn't I mention he's handsome and rich, and up for the throne of Abhaile, the alien/fairy realm? After a magic carpet ride (actually, a hot-air balloon ride) and exotic locations (Scotland) …who says money can't buy love? Ahem, okay, back to the book. Ryanne holds back. She doesn’t trust in Prince Charming, rightfully so. This forces Caeden to dig deeper into her past and allow her to build the strength she needs to heal.
What I really liked: Ms. Bradford paints a very vivid picture of the world of Abhaile. Though alien is mentioned, I saw it more like a fairy world. I really, really liked Ryanne's sister, Heather. I liked that Heather was there throughout the book trying to help Ryanne, and not discarded as so many family members are in books. I also liked Heather and Patrick, an Abhithian working as a cop in the human world, as a couple. That would be a romance I'd like to read about. I also liked that Ryanne had to eventually save herself from the clutches of the evil Abhithian trying to take over the throne.
What I didn't like: What Kevin's friends did to Ryanne was horrible and an issue not to be taken lightly. Two events in the book are around that issue—one with Ryanne the other with Caeden's aunt. I think that's why it was hard for me to "get" Ryanne in the beginning. I thought that issue needed a deeper…something. Not sure what. I felt as if Ryanne should be in therapy, not trying to cure her wounds with another guy.
I'm a sucker for sweet romance mixed with evil villains and fantasy worlds. Overall, I give this book four stars.
The life of a turtle. Yeah...that's kinda like me when I feel blah... Whatever, stare away you homo sapiens, but I know the secrets of the universe.
Only if real life were that easy. It'd be boring.
Let's face it. We need chaos. A certain kind of chaos in our lives. We need the ticking of time whispering in the background.
Go to work.
Pick up kids
Yeah, not necessarily in that order.
Sometimes, I ignore that chaos and ticking bomb but it's there when I'm ready to listen. Just. Doesn't. Go. Away. And that's totally okay with me. Without it I'd have no purpose. I'd have no direction. I'd cease to exist. Drama. Drama. Drama.
After two months of sappy, feeling sorry for myself, I've finally got my grove back. It started with a small success.
Backstory: I've been working on this novel for about six years. It started as a short story that grew into a full length novel. But for the life of me, I couldn't figure out an ending I was satisfied with. I didn't know how to end the damn thing, so I let it sit and sit. I wrote an iffy ending, and I started the submission process. Then after two months and a half (that half counts), I got a full request.
Yeah...I could've beaten myself because, well, I was still unhappy with the ending. So I went back and reread the whole thing and sat my butt down to finally write the ending...and I fell in love.
Falling in love is both good and bad. Love can make one blind to faults. But at this point I didn't care. It reminded me why I love writing and what I've been missing for the past two months as I wallowed in life's challenges. It felt real good to fall in love again.
As I wait it out, I find that love of the story outweighs the feeling of fear, the sting of rejection, and the despair of waiting. I can live with that.
I haven't had time to constructively reflect on my 2014 journey in life. Sure, I've felt as if my life has been frayed at the edges and one wrong pull at a loose thread will fully unravel me. Not a good thing. But as these thoughts crowd my mind and my heart, I journey for a firm hold on reality. I tend to live in a reality in my mind. I say the right things, dress the right way, and have everything together in the reality of my mind. But in the real world...well, that's a whole different story.
But it's not all bad. For some awful reason I tend to remember the bad more than the good. I tend to carry that damn glass of water until my arm grows numb and I can't even remember why I decided to hold it in the first place. Glass of water being stress, worry, and everything negative in my life.
But giving up is easy.
Though I haven't shattered that damn glass of water I so vehemently hold up, I have lessened the grip. I've learned a few things about myself.
Music makes me dance.
Watching my daughter grow inspires me.
I miss the noise of my kids in between the silent moments.
Binging on TV shows...well, I just need the couch potato moments sometimes
Although I've reached my 30's...okay, 40 something I'm still a work in progress